Creative Writer

I’m looking for a Creative Writer who are able to come out with funny or cheeky one sentence or two sentence quote/saying for me (like this: ---------- ). I need total of 100 quotes for this job but I will be letting you know the topics for the quotes (It's going to be few topics, few quotes on each topic, total of 100 quotes). I would love the quote to be as cheeky as possible, as funny as possible so if you are a creative, funny and cheeky, this is the time to show your talent.

If you are interested, let's start with ONE quotes about "life" and send it through and we will talk more. I would like the quote that is original but I do not mind some modification of an existing quote/saying (to make it funnier/cheekier).

This is a one-off job(For now) but we are a start-up company which means this might translate to a consistent job with a consistent salary down in future.