GRAPHIC DESIGNER, Wordpress and VA for DATING?

I am in need of a unique graphic designer and VA! (must present samples of graphic work).

After reading this add completely, please send example work and explain: Why do you think you might be good at this?

Sometimes I get so busy that I forget to socialize and/or date for fun. It's not that there is no time for lunch, or coffee. It's more that I don't find time to connect and set up the dates.

I have met some great friends on the internet and have decided to give myself an online image that builds me up like a superstar.

The brilliant idea is to explode my status both personally and professionally to get women AND businesses stalking and chasing me down.

So, I'm looking for a full time graphic designer and VA.

Someone skilled and intuitive. You will help with internet branding, optimized web sites and social media for both personal and business assets.

In other words, your job is extremely important.

This is what I need.

REQUIREMENTS:

You MUST be a GREAT graphic designer with Experience in Graphic Design. (photoshop/illustrator editing skills)
Experience working with wordpress


THIS IS A PLUS:

Experienced Article Writer
Experience in lead generation (Online job searches, searching for new clients etc)
Experience in SEO/SEM marketing (back links, directory submission)

General:

Provide daily reports on the activities of the day, the hours spent and the tasks I need to take action upon

Ask for help when needed

What kind of work that you can expect to perform:

1. Create Logos
2. Create Stationary such as: Business cards, Co Letter Head,
envelopes, and fax cover letter.
3. Create Websites
4. Preform other VA related task as needed (No experience is required as training will be provided)

If interested, please email me a cover letter and samples of work explaining your experience as it applies to the mentioned specific requirements.

Great with english communication and writing, Data Entry, Computer savvy, social media savvy, motivated, quick learner.

Any of these skills are a BIG plus:
strong article writer with good grammar, great sense of humor [funny] and an ability to writing, the ability to flirt, or tease women in a way that might make them laugh, psychology student, video editing, blogging, web, internet marketing, link building, tools, seo, smo

Other various tasks as needed.

P.S. My budget for this graphic designer is low right now, but this is a long term permanent position with a chance to grow with my company. You'll also be doing work for our business so even if I find a girlfriend, you'll still be employed.