Are you an Awesome Virtual Assistant?

Hi,
I'm looking for an awesome virtual assistant for the following responsibilities (to start)
- Reply to every comment on FB post. We want them to feel warm and friendly communicating with us.
- Hide all bad comments. Wait you thought Santa was the only on that kept a naughty list?
- Ban users as needed. If they need a good boot, they get one ;-)
- Manage All Fan Pages in our portfolio + posts. You'll make sure to keep an eye on everything
in our social media portfolio.
- Manage and answer Private messages. We get a lot of these from comments to questions and they
need speedy replies.
- Setup up filters in the page moderation section for curse words and other negative comments seen frequently. This is something that will need update on a regular basis.
- Update FPtraffic software so we are posting 12 times a day all new images and content with our links. It's important that we stay in front of our audience at all times.
- Hit every post that has "Likes" and invite them to like our fanpage. We want them to interact, feel welcome, and continue to engage our pages.

Here is what I'm looking for:
* You don't mind working long hours and being flexible. It's not crab fishing, but you will be expected
to be around so you can do these tasks.
* You can multi-task like riding a unicycle, juggling cats while going downstairs backwards
on unicorn.