On-Call Wordpress Developer

I'm looking for an on-call wordpress developer to help me maintain my wordpress site and resolve issues if/when (But let's face it.. it's more like "when") then appear.

Here's what's happening now...
... Something on my website breaks...
... I start contacting customer support... for the hosting provider, for the theme provider, for the plugin provider or the front end web builder....
... everyone insists it's someone elses problem...

48 hours go by and the problem isn't solved.. who knows if it ever will be?

Ok... So you're the solution to this problem...

Ideally you should be able to..
... Figure out why plugins are having conflicts.
... Be able to solve the conflict
... Understand and have experience maintaining wordpress sites
... Be able to find custom solutions to annoying problems
... Be able to develop custom solutions that will enhance the site, or help plugins talk to each other

Initially you will...
- Evaluate my site to determine what, if any issues are present
- Create a child theme
- Solve a few small problems I have
- Advise on if you can solve some of the bigger problems

Ideally I would like you to work hourly and I am willing to pay you a minimum monthly rate as a retainer in exchange for lite maintenance tasks.

Respond with your experience, resume, examples of your work and why you're the best choice.

Any responses that don't include an expectation of pay will not get a response.